i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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