We're facebook friends in real life
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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