FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
