we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
