We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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