At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
