Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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