I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
