Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
