Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
