I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
