You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
