The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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