I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
