Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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