The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The adults are the big ones right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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