So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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