Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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