I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
