i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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