Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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