You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
