i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
