I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
