listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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