Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
