If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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