I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
