Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
