soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
