you would pick up someone in the library
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
