omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
