i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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