before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Holy shit dude........stairs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
