The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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