So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
