so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
