Kareoke will never be a sober sport
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dick very happy bro
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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