He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
