The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
