I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
