My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
