Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
God, I missed his penis.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
