At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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