Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They took my balls.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
