Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
