you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
