Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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