he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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