Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
