i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
