I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
