And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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