if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
