He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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